I re-read one of my personal articles on Facebook about love published in 2016. At that time, I desired to love and be loved desperately. I was exhausted mentally because of the long chase for a lover, those girls stepped on my care and feeling. I cheered up myself from the heal of my spirit. The act of shaping my better self and understanding my organic development embraced my own happiness. I learned to accept myself and be patient by time. Pain wasn’t my fear but it didn’t mean I deserved it. It was not a failure but just a mental obstacle I needed to overcome.
“Do not let those mediocre people hurt my feeling”, I told myself. For every time the negative whirlpool of thoughts conquered my mind, I just repeated this spell; “Good shits take time and so does love. Never stop believing, never stop trying.”
In the book “How to love” by Zen Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh, he reveals the fundamental of love and care which I find incredibly valuable.
“Sometimes we feel empty; we feel a vacuum, a great lack of something. We don’t know the cause; it’s very vague, but that feeling of being empty inside is very strong. We expect and hope for something much better so we’ll feel less alone, less empty. The desire to understand ourselves and to understand life is a deep thirst. There’s also the deep thirst to be loved and to love. We are ready to love and be loved. It’s very natural. But because we feel empty, we try to find an object of our love. Sometimes we haven’t had the time to understand ourselves, yet we’ve already found the object of our love. When we realize that all our hopes and expectations, of course, can’t be fulfilled by that person, we continue to feel empty. You want to find something, but you don’t know what to search for. In everyone there’s a continuous desire and expectation; deep inside, you still expect something better to happen. That is why you check your email many times a day!
If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.
The essence of loving kindness is being able to offer happiness. You can be the sunshine for another person. You can’t offer happiness until you have it for yourself. To build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself. Learn how to practice mindfulness in such a way that you can create moments of happiness and joy for your own nourishment. Then you have something to offer the other person.
When we feed and support our own happiness, we are nourishing our ability to love. That’s why to love means to learn the art of nourishing our happiness. Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.”
Now, I am fortunate enough to meet a beautiful creature who accept my problem and understand my inner self. She appreciates my work and my existence. She teaches me to become a better person. An independent adult. A less sexist human. A brighter soul. An artist. I collect my broken pieces of heart and glue it with golden hope to come up with the Kintsugi love as the treatment for broken pottery with powdered gold in Japan.